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Bilanċ | Epokaliss

I feel this piece is one of the most straightforward pieces to interpret out of the collection. Who has never struggled with choosing between what we know would be better for us versus what we want? In the year after my mum’s death, my life felt like a plate spinning act during an earthquake. I felt that the moment something slipped past me, which they often did, it would create one more mess for me to deal with.

There can be a massive struggle between logic and emotion. Growing up, I watched my parents’ bafflement at each other because one leaned more towards the logical, while the towards emotion. I, in turn, embody both of them, and their inherent struggle.

“Bilanċ”, or Balance, continues many motifs of Epokaliss such as the iron crown and hollowed face, but where it does break is in the background. This work is the only one where the patterned tile backdrop warps. Decorative encaustic tiles are foundational to the Maltese aesthetic – it is sadly, a dying trade although I have noticed a recent resurgence of interest. To me, they represent a happy place, going to my nanna’s where everything was magical and vaguely glamorous. The warping conveys the distortion of reality I experienced moving into my grandparent’s old house. The place was once a sanctuary for me, but now, just like my childhood home, it’s haunted by the striking absence of the characters who gave the space life. 

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Bilanċ | Epokaliss

Bilanċ | Epokaliss

There’s no denying that trauma scatters our minds. The mind tries to protect itself and starts shutting down. The issue is that late capitalist society expects us all to be our best selves, all the time, but provides very little to support this pursuit.
In school, hours were dedicated to learning quotes by heart, but no one took a moment to teach us how to function as adults. This used to perplex me until I fully realised how wildly disregarded mental health is, particularly in Malta.

“Moħħ ir-Riħ” is a Maltese expression for an absent mind, typically uttered dismissively. However, what might be misconstrued as inattentive could be preoccupied. I like the expression because it means “winds’ mind”, which conjures an image of holding desperately to a tether – not in control, but not defeated. This self-portrait reminds me to embrace my new challenges and approach them with more self-love and let go a little.

The subject is displaced to the left, followed by a fracturing halo and emptiness. There is also an absence of the subject’s crown, extenuated by the introduction of horns. The horns reflect my rejection of oppressive catholic norms, the layers of stigma the church perpetuates against anyone like me [queer, pro-choice, atheist, neuro-divergent and polyamorous], and make reference to the centuries of subjugation faced by Jewish communities [another traditionally ostracised group] at the hand of Christian rulers stemming from supposed poor medieval translation.

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Bilanċ | Epokaliss

Bilanċ

Digital Painting | 2017
Collection Limited Edition Previous Exhibitions
Epokaliss
of 25
“Epokaliss: the Absence of Presence – Portraits of Grief", Ħamsa Mill, Balzan

Bilanċ | Limited Edition | Epokaliss Collection

Full Description

I feel this piece is one of the most straightforward pieces to interpret out of the collection. Who has never struggled with choosing between what we know would be better for us versus what we want? In the year after my mum’s death, my life felt like a plate spinning act during an earthquake. I felt that the moment something slipped past me, which they often did, it would create one more mess for me to deal with.

There can be a massive struggle between logic and emotion. Growing up, I watched my parents’ bafflement at each other because one leaned more towards the logical, while the towards emotion. I, in turn, embody both of them, and their inherent struggle.

“Bilanċ”, or Balance, continues many motifs of Epokaliss such as the iron crown and hollowed face, but where it does break is in the background. This work is the only one where the patterned tile backdrop warps. Decorative encaustic tiles are foundational to the Maltese aesthetic – it is sadly, a dying trade although I have noticed a recent resurgence of interest. To me, they represent a happy place, going to my nanna’s where everything was magical and vaguely glamorous. The warping conveys the distortion of reality I experienced moving into my grandparent’s old house. The place was once a sanctuary for me, but now, just like my childhood home, it’s haunted by the striking absence of the characters who gave the space life. 

Collection Limited Edition Previous Exhibitions
Epokaliss
of 25
“Epokaliss: the Absence of Presence – Portraits of Grief", Ħamsa Mill, Balzan

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